Grainne and Brian Larkin Bondings, copyright Victoria Mary Clarke 2005
Grainne and Brian Larkin are a couple who believe very firmly in the benefit of good relationships.  Not just relationships of the kind that men and women who are married have, but also in the kind that people have with their work colleagues and with their families.  It is a test of any relationship to spend a lot of time together and particularly to run a business together, but Grainne and Brian are successfully running their own company ‘Spark Promotions’ and have been doing so ever since they returned to Ireland from Australia, in 1997.
Spark promotions is no ordinary company.  It follows what is known as the ‘Chaordic’ system, in which there is chaos and order combined.  There is no boss, everyone who works there fulfils a role, rather than answering to a boss.  You even get to determine your own salary and no-one tells you what time you should come to work or when you can take your holidays.
Wars have been won time and again simply because the opposing faction turns upon itself and can’t agree to differ.  In order to conquer, you only have to sow the seeds of division.  So working together without a hierarchy is a spectacular achievement in anyone’s book.  But Grainne and Brian have been a partnership now for longer than they have been separate entities and they seem especially good at it.  I meet them at their very bright and bubbly promotions company, where they design and source products to help companies sell themselves.  Everything from plastic pigs to leather briefcases.  Their clients include the House of Lords, Guinness and Brown Thomas, so they are doing very well, but it has been a challenge, getting this far.  Not just because the world of promotions is highly competitive, but also because their own relationship has had to withstand plenty of trials. 
The couple met at a disco, at the Blackrock Rugby Club.
‘  In October 1996,’ Brian says.
‘1986!’  Grainne immediately corrects him.
‘Sorry. I was sixteen and Grainne had just turned seventeen.  And we’ve been together ever since.’
‘He asked me to dance,’ she explains.
‘I actually went to the disco with two friends and one of them had two girls coming, so there were three of us guys and only two girls,’ he explains.
Brian had spotted Grainne, the moment she arrived, but she hadn’t spotted him.  When his two friends got up for the slow set with the two girls, Brian took his chance and went up to ask Grainne to dance.
‘It was awful, honest to God I counted to three before going up to her and I was so convinced she would say no that I had turned around to leave, when she grabbed my hand.  And that was it, we danced.’
Did you snog? I ask, indelicately.
‘Yeah, after about five minutes.  The teenage blood was racing through our veins!’
It was a Cinderella moment because Grainne’s father was collecting her, before the dance ended.
‘I walked out to the car with her and met her father.  I remember it vividly, but I’m sure he doesn’t!  To him I was just another lad chancing his arm.’ 
The next day on the football field, Brian lost five nil because he couldn’t concentrate on the match, for thinking about Grainne.  Eventually he got up his nerve and called her.  The following Thursday , they went to see ‘Mona Lisa.’
‘We were so nervous, we didn’t even know if we were in the right movie until the credits rolled!’
Nevertheless, something worked, because they got married.
Do you know what you like about him? I ask Grainne.
‘Yeah, tell us!’ Brian says.  ‘I’ve never asked her.’
‘I think he has the same life values as I have, in that family come first.  And he’s very philosophical, very calm when things are pressurised.  Whereas I panic.  He makes me see the bigger picture.  There’s an awful lot more I like about him too!’
Go on, I say.  More!
‘I’ll start to cry!’  Brian says.
‘He will too!  That’s what I like, he’s really sensitive.  A big softy.  A great sense of humour.  I have to say that really he has no flaws, other than that he’s bad at time keeping.’
Brian’s father died after struggling with MS for ten years, in a nursing home.
‘My father had a very good sense of fun, in spite of what he went through.  And really, his death was a prime motivator for me.  Life can end if you don’t take your chances.  We all know we are going to die, but only some of us believe it.’
‘That’s probably the most important thing about Brian, his positivity.  It’s just amazing.  He always finds the good, in any situation.’
‘You can choose to see the positive.  We all need energy and some days you are carried along on a wave of momentum, some days it’s hard to get out of bed.  It’s on those days you need to rely on your internal philosophy.  I think that the death of my father and the way my mother coped…’
Brian actually starts to cry.
‘When I think of her….’
‘Okay,’ Grainne says.  ‘Lets move on.’
Wait, I say.  You didn’t mention if you are attracted to him physically.
‘Of course I am!  I don’t think it would last, otherwise.  He’s even more handsome now!’
What do you like about her?  I ask.
‘How much time have we got?’ he laughs.  ‘I really like the fact that she is her own woman, she makes her own mind up. I find that very attractive.  And she’s extremely good looking.  A lot of people, when they get married, go to seed and live in track suits and put on four stone, but not her, she looks after herself.  She also continually learns and pushes herself.  She’s halfway through a degree and she’s got two kids.  But most importantly, it’s the shared values.’
Isn’t it interesting, I say, how you can see somebody across a dance floor and be attracted to them physically and then they turn out to share your values as well?  Couldn’t she have turned out to be a complete bitch?
‘Yeah.  But there might be a human language that has nothing to do with words.  I can’t explain it.  The thing is you have to work at a relationship.  Jesus, do you ever!’
Why?
‘Because there are always pressures,’ Grainne says.  ‘When we had our first child it was very difficult.  It was the hardest time of my life, I will never forget it.  I gave up my job and I was at home all day.  I was a totally irrational being and that really put a strain on our relationship.  We gave up and came home after fifteen months.’
The couple had been living in Sydney and both had very good jobs, but Grainne had opted to stay at home and look after baby Sean.
‘Up to then, there had been a natural flow, we had a great life.  We were partying all the time, with big groups of friends.  Our child was the end of that lifestyle,’  Brian explains.
‘But that becomes a bit shallow after a while.  We wanted to move to the next level.’
‘And we got it!  They don’t tell you the truth about having kids until after it’s born.’
When they returned to Ireland, they moved in with Grainne’s parents. 
‘We couldn’t have done it without them.  They have been incredible, they opened their home to us.’
They started their business in the dining room, and didn’t pay themselves a salary for the first eighteen months.
A twenty foot container of stock had to be stored all over the house, under beds, in every part of the house. Another child, Alva was born, while the couple were still living with her parents.  What a plan! 
‘We knew we wanted a second child and that was that!’ Grainne says.
‘Living in such a situation involved having all kinds of rules that we all stuck to,’ Brian says.  ‘But it meant that we could live together happily as a family and we didn’t even have one row!’
They both agree that when you look at it logically, it was irrational what they did. 
‘But you have to take chances.  If you don’t give it a lash, life is boring!’  Brian insists.
‘That’s a shared philosophy,’ Grainne agrees.
There’s an old Chinese saying ‘To have a happy life, you need something to do, someone to love and something to hope for.’  And it’s as simple as that.  That’s what we have!”